Christmas has passed, I’ve been back in Nevada for the past week, and I’ve seen a vast majority of the people I know here.

Although all of these things have happened there is something inside of me that doesn’t completely feel at home anymore. Maybe it’s because my mom has dismantled my childhood bedroom to make it into a room for my sisters, or maybe it’s because for the first time in a while I have to tell someone my every move every time I leave my home. A lot of people have told me home is where my family is, and although I still completely agree with that, it feels like my “home” is no longer contained to only one geographical place.

Someone along the way told me that traveling ruins you, and now I couldn’t agree more. When asked how it feels to be home I don’t know how to answer. Part of me wants to say it feels nice to not have to live out of a suitcase and have my mom take care of me. Meanwhile the other part wants me to say that it feels like all of the sudden a huge part of me is missing. In every place I visited it feels as though I left a little bit of my heart, and right now I’m missing all of those little pieces. I thrived on the constant change and inconsistency. There was something special about not knowing who you were going to meet or what you were going to see that day. I developed this craving to explore that is going to be very difficult to satisfy if I remain in the comfort of routine and classes.

I knew coming back wasn’t going to be easy, but right now I feel a little lost. I know I have another adventure planned in May, but for right now I have to settle into daily life and the challenges that come with that. Right now the biggest challenge I face isn’t how I’m supposed to get to the next city, but how I’m going to pay my rent, get a job, and apply to grad school if that’s what I still want to do. I have a little under a week left in Carson before I head back to Spokane and I hope that once I leave my family home again and regain my freedom, I’ll find new clarity in life. Being around friends 24/7 and with my 21st birthday coming up I have a couple things to look forward to in order to get some inspiration in this new year.

Until next time,

L